3.27.2010

Interracial Dating: Are We Still Having A Problem With This?: Updated

Today I read this post on YBF on Jill Scott's views on interracial dating. I then, as usual, took to Twitter to have a discussion with my followers on the topic. I thought Jill added a great perspective to why black women might have a problem with black men dating interracially or why women of color have a problem when men of color date white women. She added a perspective I had never thought of before.

Race operates in a black/white binary, with white, along with everything associated with whiteness, being placed in the upper echelons of society and black, along with everything associated with blackness, being placed in the lowest echelon of society. I believe that black self-hate is motivation for the reason that a lot of people get upset when others date outside their race. When society tells you that you're ugly, stupid, and undesirable and that white women are more worthy of protection, more beautiful, more loyal, and smarter, and then you see a black man marry a white woman, its easy to see that as a small confirmation of that skewed self-perception. Also, I think, the real problem arises when both black men and black women designate who they will or won't date based solely on their race. For example, "I don't date black women." or "I don't date outside my race." When a black man completely rules out dating other black people, it obviously reflects on how he feels about his belonging to that race and the race in general.

White is seen as the pinnacle of society. In America, everything that is white is pure, good, and downright better than everything else, especially anything black. White is able to attain everything, black is able to attain nothing. When a black woman sees a black man dating a white woman, its a sense of "them" attaining another thing that should belong to us. It almost as if nothing is untouchable by the white race. Black women generally feel betrayed when a black man dates a white woman. We feel that black men's loyalty should be expressed through the dating of only black women. However, how much does this type of "loyalty" really benefit the black race? Its heteronormative to ask black men to only date within their race so that we can "preserve the black family" and it also reinforces the detrimental concept of race itself. Can someone give me one good reason for why we should only date inside drawn our racial lines? The "black family" has been destroyed since slavery times and I wonder if it ever really existed? Isn't the nuclear family a white ideal? I'm all for building up the black community through economically "buying black, supporting black political leaders, creating black sub-cultures, and the preservation and knowledge of black culture, etc. which are all profitable and beneficial ways to support us, however, I fail to see a real reason how racial dating loyalty benefits the black community in any real ways. I'm sick of hearing black women ask why there aren't black men available, or why black men find other races desirable or why there aren't more black relationships. Its old.

Generally, I think people are way too obsessed with relationships for some reason. Jealousy and unneccessry criticism from intruders always surround relationships for absolutely no reason. That's why its best to keep personal relationship business to yourself if you are in one. I think the ultimate solution is to love yourself and love who you are and where you come from.

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for the ending, I had to read it through and hoped you'd come to that conclusion. It so important, to the extent of detriment that African-Americans learn their history about America, through reading very important historical documents called the Constitution, Bill of Rights, and the Reconstruction era to reinforce those rights, in which brought the African race in America out of obscurity. We were consider to be a "CASTE" group socially, and it has taken so long for SOCIETY to catch up to the meaning of the constitution and its evolution, to bring us into the age of enlightenment. When we understand how the African race is construed as a caste group, we will then understand that our battle is for humanity~~ our God given "RIGHTS" to exist as normal human beings. We will realize that it is essential to grasp this notion deeper than a cliche. Then and only then, we will have the ability to free ourselves to know that we love this person regardless of race. Of course we don't understand this minus the crucial knowledge of where we came from and, how we got here today.
    GOOD STUFF

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, definitely. We need to be aware about how colonization has created and perpetuated race. Only when we learn this, will we realize how shallow a concept race really is. People need to be more educated about these issues. Thank you, & I completely agree.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Interracial dating is dating and happy hormone buzz. It's really up to the couple to be self confident enough to
    see beyond and racial line and realize they're are in love if they really are.Interracial Dating is a great resource
    for all races looking for new loves.

    ReplyDelete

leave it here.