Let's take Joe Budden and his girlfriend Tahiry for example:
Now Tahiry seems like a down ass chick. She says "I came home and I wanted to sit on my man." She doesn't seem like a prude, however, she had expectations that weren't met. Therefore, her reasoning is; my expectations weren't met and yours won't be met either. I do have to point out, though, that I take DEEP offense with Joe Budden's notion that Tahiry has an obligation to fulfill his sexual needs. No woman or man has an OBLIGATION to have sex with their significant other just because he or she wants to have sex. If you say no, end of story. Yall can talk about why you said no later. Coercion or forcing your man or woman to have sex is NOT the answer. That's called rape. Did you know that it only recently became illegal for a man to rape/force his wife to have sex? The notion was that a wife is un-rapeable by her husband because she is essentially his property and has an OBLIGATION to have sex with him when he so deems necessary. Womyn are not sex machines and just as men sometimes don't feel like having sex, we are the same way. Also, just like men like to have sex a lot, so do womyn; just at the right times.
Ok, so let's look at the part of the video, where the object of pussy being a prize comes up. Now, right here, I have to side with Joe. "Pussy ain't no prize!" I concur. Come on, lesbihonesstt. We all like sex. If pussy is a prize, so is dick. If pussy ain't a prize, then neither is dick. And I for one, do believe that it is.
We have to get rid of this sexist notion that womyn "give it up" and men "take it". If I'm giving something up when I am having sex, then so are you! We are doing the same act, with each other! Men are not the hypersexual toads that society makes them out to be and should be able to deny or not want sex without being labeled gay or the like. Nobody says a woman is gay when she tells her boyfriend no. Now, if your man or woman is constantly not in the mood for sex without any apparent reason, then yall should talk about it and see what the problem is. Maybe its a medical issue.
Ok, so back to the video. I definitely have to give Tahiry her props. She doesn't let Mr. Budden get away with his bullshit. First, she tells him that contrary to his belief, she does not have an obligation to engage in sex with Joe and then she sets him straight when he tries to blame her if he decides to go out and cheat and have sex with someone else. Ladies!, it is never you fault when a man decides to do something stupid. Yes, you may not be having sex with him, but he doesn't have the right to cheat; he does however have the right to break up with you. Nor is it your fault if he lies to you. He might say you don't make it easy for him, or that you can't handle the truth, but the reality of the situation is that he probably has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to relationships. A man must takes responsibility for his own actions and stop saying that his girl drove him to it. Read a little bit more about the subject here (make sure you read the comments on this post.)
So, while they are signing off. Joe says something that only a misogynist rapist would say. "You know how this goes, you'll be sleep, and you'll wake up with something inside you." Yea, I can't even explain what's wrong with that statement or if he actually does it, that situation. I am convinced homeboy is capable of abuse; seeing as that so-called joke, wasn't even funny.
Ok, so I just want to touch on one last aspect before I sign out. This notion that men need to work and wait for sex needs to be thrown out the window, also. As a woman when you want sex from a man do you expect for him to make you wait and WORK for it? I think not. If you don't want to wait and work then why the hell should he? It needs to be equal. If to wait, is something that yall decide together because yall are trying to build to a relationship, then ok. But don't make it so he's jumping through hoops to get to you and that monkey, when you ain't done shit to get his prize. :) Just like womyn have pussy power, men have penis power too.
So how about it yall? Ever withheld sex from your man or woman? Your man ever try to blame your for his actions? Ever had sex withheld from you? Ever have a man or woman cheat on you because yall wasn't having sex? Tell me all about it, I want to hear!
PS: Please remember that we all have body sovereignty and this essay is not in opposition to that. Nor is it in opposition to satisfying youself sexually. You can do with your body what you please, but we as womyn need to stop using our bodies to leverage for something that has nothing to do with our bodies. We allow our bodies to be looked at as a commodity instead of a acting force. We cannot continue to commodify sex, that is part of the problem now, when our bodies are viewed as something to be bartered, bargained for and bought, we give into the notion that we are the sexual gatekeepers and men are princes waiting to devour. If you have a problem with your significant other, talk about it! And if that doesn't work take other action that doesn't deny your sexual needs.