Control

Once upon a time, I was young and dumb. I used to believe that "control" could be shared by both parties in a relationship. Relationship; meaning either a committed relationship or two people building to a committed relationship or really any type of connection you have with someone who you're attracted to. There is always one person that has more control than the other person. Now, in a relationship both parties should always be making sacrifices, equal sacrifices. It takes sacrifice to build a relationship with two very different people. However, there are a lot of ways to maintain control of the "relationship" no matter where it is headed. They are as follows:

1. Home. Court. Advantage.: The first mistake that one can make when establishing a "sex buddy" relationship with someone that can make you lose control of the situation is losing home court advantage. You should ALWAYS opt to have your partner at your house. There's nothing better than making him/her leave after yall get threw doing yall business. Making her/him use all their gas to get there instead of you is just the icing on the cake. You don't want to have to travel over there, and have him/her make the decision whether to take you home or let you spend the night. If you're the one with the base covered, there is no need to make this decision, make him/her leave! You don't want anyone getting to comfortable in your bed, sloberring and carrying on. You don't her/him to accidentally leave a pair of underwear of maybe a toothbrush over there. That might mess up your game for your next sexscapade with someone else. When you let someone linger at your apartment don't be surprised if they start getting attached or try to move your sex relationship into a real relationship.

2. In the context of building to a committed relationship, it is most important to keep control of the journey. Now, controlling this type of situation is a little more tricky than just a "sex buddy" situation. The point is not to GAIN CONTROL but just not to let your control be less than your hopefully soon to be significant other. When establishing a relationship both parties should try to be as equal as possible. For example, in the situation of hit ups; both parties should be hitting each other in about an equal amount. If he/she starts to lag in the hitting up, whether it be a text, a phone call, or a invite to a date, first you should also stop contacting him/her, then talk to the person about it. Tell him/her you're upset because there hasn't been enought communication as of lately. You have to talk about it with the person, it is not enough to just stop hitting the person up, he/she can take that to mean anything and you may put the relationship in jeopardy. As far as, bringing up problems in the situation when they arise, talk about them! Don't make the other person always be the one to bring up what's necessary. If you do let that happen, that person will always have control of the situation, and ultimately have the fate of the relationship in his/her hand. That goes for really any type of interaction, telling him/her how you feel about him/her, etc.

Control is important to maintain to keep your grounding on the relationship and to make sure its going the way you want and need it to. If you lose control to another person you run the risk of getting your feelings hurt as well as wasting your time.

What Are You Intentions With me?

If you're a person who is dating right now, these six words are ones that you should know, memorize and not be afraid and be prepared to use frequently! Men and womyn need to start getting real about where they are going with their situation. Listen closely: When a person tries to talk to you, no matter where you are, what you're doing, what you're looking like, he or she has one or more of these three intentions: 1. To create a sex buddy relationship with you, 2. Give you money, or use you for your money, and/or number 3: Create a real, meaningful relationship with you. Ladies and gentlemen, that is all there is! No more, no less! When a man or woman approaches you, they have some type of intentions in his/her mind. No one walks up to a person solely for friendship, or "getting to know you". Don't be afraid to ask this question. Do it on the spot, I promise it will save a lot of time and wasted energy. Say for instance, you're looking for a relationship and when you ask this question homegirl or homedude say he's just looking for someone to kick it with, then you know that's not for you and you don't even have to waste time running down your cell phone battery to store his or her number. Now not everyone is honest about their intentions even when you ask them upfront. For example, a conversation might go like this: Man: "Hey wassup Ma, can I get your number?"; Woman: "Well first I want to know what you're intentions are with me?"; Man(obviously taken aback by your question and shy about his REAL intentions): well I just want to get to know you and we can see where it goes from there, you know I like your style, I think you're cute; This is what your reponse should sound like: Woman: Well what is your purpose in getting to know me? You must have some type of intention, you came over here to talk to me. If he doesn't know what he wants, then tell him to find out and come back. Some people may be turned off by your response but others will know they can't come wat you with no bullshit and respect your confindence and realness and I promise they will not try that again!

Sometimes when someone wants something from you, especially sex, he/she is afraid to say it. They might feel like this is a turn off for the person on the receiving end of the request. However, come on, this is 2009! People will appreciate it a LOT more if others were just upfront about their's and stopped hiding behing "game". I am sure that no matter how shady, nasty, or great your proposal there are people out there that will accept or deny it. People do not need to be gamed up anymore! If you want sex and sex only, let it be known! Stop wasting your and his/her time!