Fat Black & Ugly

(I posted this on my tumblr, http://hiphopcheerleader.tumblr.com/)

Let me start this off by saying that I'm not very familiar with Tumblr. I've been active on here for a couple of months but I'm not Tumblr famous or anything. I still can't figure out how to reply to people's replies and I don't really do any serious writing on here. The times that I do write, my posts never get as many notes as I feel they deserve. Lol.

But I'm writing here today to address something that I've noticed. The lack of blackness in the Tumblr fat community.

Now, I should also say. I'm coming from a place of thin privilege over here. Therefore, I use the word fat, not as a reclamation but as the word that is usually meant to mean overweight, obese, and/or overall "thick." Also, I want to make it clear that I am not in the position to speak for anyone, I know the fat, black community is in a perfectly capable position to speak for themselves. I am speaking (in solidarity, I hope) as a black woman who is permanently outside of white standards of beauty. That said, direct me, if you please, to any posts on this subject made by fat black womyn.

First, I want to make this clear for anyone whose forgotten.: White people who are fat, still have white privilege. I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand but intersectionality folks. Intersectionality. Just because you are oppressed in some ways in your life, doesn't erase your position as a privileged white individual. For example, I am able bodied, meaning I have privilege over a black-disabled person. The fact that I'm black doesn't mean I can disregard the fact that I am able bodied.

What I've noticed is that the fat, white community on Tumblr has a problem with this fact. Why am I not surprised? Because its typical white people shit. Mu'fuckas just don't want to acknowledge their privilege. Following a few fat blogs, I see about 20 times the number of posts on the beauty of white fat womyn than I do for fat black womyn. I guess these fat white womyn feel they are rejecting the beauty myth but by leaving out womyn of color they are only reinforcing it. Remember the time a fat white woman compared her being fat to the struggle of a black woman goes through? Only one fail from the white, fat tumblr community. Another fail was when the woman who creates "ugly" graphics used a black woman in one with a banner across it stating "ugly don't care." Or the gif with the white woman from glee singing TLC's Unpretty, she wasn't fat & neither are TLC but still showed that y'all don't get it. Or the picture with all the white womyn with "real" bodies trying to show bodily diversity but didn't think to include any womyn of color. this is all just another reason & facet to why white feminists fail at developing full analyses, they stop at where their privilege meets & leave womyn of color out for the 5011th time. your whiteness doesn't erase shit. you're still white. fat white womyn are concerned by how well they fit into the perfect white beauty myth & black womyn are concerned that we are constantly judged by how well we fit into that myth, no matter how hard we try to fit in, our attempts are futile.

Here's where I get into the difference between being a fat black woman & a fat white woman: a fat black woman could so much more accurately talk about this than I can but here goes: fat tumblr has a white face. why am i not surprised? because its typical white shit. to exclude womyn of color voices & in the case of beauty politics, particularly, black womyn. the rhetoric still exists: black womyn are not really womyn & we're not even really human. our beauty politics don't matter because we're so far gone from ever being beautiful, trying to include us is a worthless, waste of time. white fat womyn on tumblr seem to be reclaiming their fatness in an effort to say "I am still a white woman! i am still apart of the beautiful people club! stop thinking my body is ugly! accept me!" they seem to be trying to (i don't want to assume anyone's motives) reclaim their stake in beautiful white womanhood because its been taken away from them due to their fatness. But black womyn don't have that privilege. Fat is seen as something that can be changed. This is why people tell fat people to lose weight. they just tell black womyn to die. The belief is that if fat white womyn just lose weight, then they can go back to being in the beautiful club. White womyn are still within the realm of attainable beauty. Black womyn are not. Skin color cannot be changed, its permanent. beauty is constructed. & its constructed against black womyn. black fat womyn get treated harsher (a fat black woman would do better in coming up with specific examples) than white fat womyn because of their ugly, permanent, unfortunate blackness. race compounds the fat plight. its seen as a continual, permanent ugliness. white womyn are seen as just being temporary deviants. if you lose weight you can come back to our exclusive white woman pretty club. but you black fat bitches are out forever because then we'd have nothing to measure ourselves up against.

the end.

*drops mic*

Week 3 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

Prompt & Response: What are your strengths, what are their sources? loving. writing. standing up for people. picking out jewelry. caring & respecting.

What are your weaknesses? Communication.

Where do you find power? I find power in possibility. I find power in the resistance of women of color.
Where do you encounter fear? What holds you powerless or helps you overcome? I encounter fear through healing. Through trying to be myself everyday in country where my being is despised. I feel powerless when I'm experiencing sadness, hurt, confusion, loneliness, etc. What helps me to overcome is practicing self care.

I know... that I can heal.
I think... about this journey everyday.
I am... beautiful.
I don’t know... when this process will end.
I  can’t explain... so many things about my experiences and my life.
I believe... in myself.

Week 1 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

Prompts for Week One

"Until I am free to write bilingually and to switch codes without having always to translate, while I still have to speak English or Spanish when I would rather speak Spanglish, and as long as I have to accommodate the English speakers rather than having them accommodate me, my tongue will be illegitimate. I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing. I will have my voice: Indian, Spanish, white. I will have my serpent’s tongue – my woman’s voice, my sexual voice, my poet’s voice. I will overcome the tradition of silence.”
― Gloria E. Anzaldúa

What is your voice? What are your voices? Where do you hear your voice? When do you raise your voice? What are its frequencies, its resonance? How do you find your voice?

What narratives do you draw on from your history, your culture, your life, to tell your stories? What codes do you speak in and around?
What silences do you observe, which do you break? How do you overcome silence?


Response


My voice is one of a woman of color who has experienced multiple forms of sexual violence and oppression and colonialism. I speak mostly about the injustices that we face. How sex and our bodies are used against us when we are the creators of this world. How hate is used against when the source of love can be found in our vaginas and in our wombs. I write because its one of the fundamental ways that I relate to people and the world around me. I write to make this world more tolerable. Its an art to me, but I rarely write poems. I hear my voice and my inspiration in my people and the people who've experienced the same shit as I have.


I observe silence surrounding sexual violence. The only thing that gives me solace is to talk to the people I know. To end the silence and isolation. To mend relationships.

February Writing

This month I will be participating in Women's Creative Collective for Change's February Writer's Workshop. I'll be posting based on weekly prompts.


Their description:  The February Writers’ Workshop is meant to create space for us to write everyday for a month. What we do with that space is up to each writer. Starting Feb. 1, post weekly, post daily, or post somewhere in between. You could write as little or as much as you want in any format – poetry, journal entry, short story, article. We also have weekly prompts available to get you started, but responding to them is not required. Writing in this workshop is an act of community- we encourage you to join us in visiting your fellow writers’ blogs, commenting, supporting, and nurturing our collective creativity. So if you want to get back into your writing groove and join up with a community of bad ass writers from across the globe, it’s simple!


And you can find more about WCC and the workshop here.

Youth Institute for Anti-Sexual Violence Activism

Hey y'all,

I am in the process of starting a community organization. I decided to name it Youth Institute for Anti-Sexual Violence Activism. The mission of Youth Institute of Anti-Sexual Violence Activism is to organize from a non-violent, feminist perspective to empower youth of all genders with the tools, resources, and training needed to aid in the fight to end sexual violence and to become anti-sexual violence activists, particularly focusing on violence against women and trans folks of color. Here's our Idealist page, if you're interested, please check it out to see if there's anyway you can offer your support. Right now, I really need help in moving this organization past the 'idea' stage. If you have a background in working with youth, trans folks, women, or on the issue of sexual violence in inner city communities your advice and support are welcome. Also, we need a logo, so if you know anyone who does graphics, let me know! I don't have the resources to work on this project full time right now and I also want to get more experience working in non-profits and with youth before I go full fledged but I am applying for some fellowships and grants right now for the org so send me your good vibes!

Thanks!

Black Womyn Hate as Manifestations of Heteropatriarchy

This hate of black women is not new, but it still fucking burns. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of black men who act like their dick is the second coming of Jesus Christ telling black women that we are not good enough to be with them. Rhetoric like this, based on what is wrong with black womyn, why we are not desirable, what we need to do to get a man, is rooted in heteropatriarchy and by extension, capitalism and homophobia. In "Heteropatriarchy and The Three Pillars of White Supremacy", Andrea Smith draws out the link between heteropatriachy and this type of conversation around relationships.

Andrea Smith quotes Charles Colson, founder of Prison Fellowship, "If we fail to enact a Federal Marriage Amendment, we can expect not just more family breakdown, but also more criminals behind bars and more chaos in our streets." We can see from this quote that in the eyes of right-wing, Christian, mainstream society, marriage between two heterosexual adults of extreme genders is a process of crime prevention. The assumption is, which is an assumption held by black men also, that when you invest in this traditional familial dynamic the you prevent delinquent little boys and sexually promiscuous girls, with no critical analysis to the criminalization of black youth and the high rate of black womyn experiencing sexual victimization. Smith then goes on to quote Lift High the Cross author Ann Burlien, "the investment in the private family makes it difficult for people to invest in more public forms of social connection. In addition, the investment in the suburban private family serves to mask the public disinvestment in the urban areas that makes the suburban life possible." Subscribing to the belief that one man should be with one woman and that men should be the ones we aspire to be with promotes patriarchal domination and homophobia. It promotes the myth of the American dream, which ultimately benefits a small sector of society.

As a Woman

As a woman, I am tired of feeling the need to look perfect every time I go outside so I won't be criticized for how appealing I don't look.
but also, as a woman, I am tired of feeling the need to dress down so as to lessen the amount of leers and jeers I get from disgusting men.
As a woman, I am disgusted that I am never not aware that men want to have sex with me.
As a woman, I am even more disgusted by the violences that I and my sisters face daily; the rapes against my body, against my sexuality, against my sexual orientation, against my womanhood.
As a woman, I am tired of having to defend my position as intellectual, as a person of having a viable conversation with any person!
As a woman, I am disgusted that I am positioned as a victim in every situation.
And as a woman, I am tired of having my thoughts, beliefs and knowledge questioned because you don't think that I am smart enough to know things about this life and about this world.
As a woman, I'm frightened about what this world will look like if this behavior continues.
As a woman, I'm thoroughly annoyed by the fact that men are given privilege solely based on the fact that they were born with a penis!, a penis that some of them don't even know how to use properly.
As a woman, I'm tired of feeling the need to live up to standards of men who do not even have a relationship with me.
As a woman, I am sickened by the fact that there are womyn who oppress other womyn just as much as men oppress womyn.
As a woman, I am tired of being ignored!
As a woman, I am tired of having to hide the fact that I enjoy sex, very much!
As a woman, I am discomforted by the idea that my body is used to sell products in a capitalist system that oppresses me more than it does a man.
I am not a ho, I am not a bitch, I am not a slut, I am not a whore, I am not a prostitute, I am not a chick. I am woman, I am a girl.
I am beautiful no matter what anyone says.
I am smart.
I am capable.
Its not easy to love being a woman with all this and more to deal with it, my only solace is to sit up and speak about these injustices, to notice that this is not right and to do something about it! I have a big voice and I will use it for change until change comes because my vagina said that I should. :)

Womyn

I recently read a book review for “Click: Young Women on the Moments That Made Them Feminists” that inspired to write about my own moment. Now, I don’t call myself a feminist, since I don’t particularly believe in labels. However, everyone who knows me, would probably identify me as such, knowing that my ideals line up almost exactly. Well the moment that made me a feminist was being a co-founder to a womyn’s organization, Great Womyn in Progress, on my college campus. In the beginning, I was sexist and misogynistic as most womyn, in my opinion, are, especially the ones I knew. Its pretty hard to plan events for the empowerment of womyn when you hate the fact that you are one. Its even more difficult to present yourself as someone who hopes to unify womyn when it’s a pain to you to come up with something positive to say about the womyn you know. It was the researching and hearing about womyn’s issues that prompted my change. It was also the fact that I needed to be someone of love and understanding, things that were always, inevitably deep inside of me. Its so easy to conform to the ways of the world and not so easy to be yourself, the person you should be. The three decisions that I credit, during my college years, with helping to make me the person I am today, would be deciding to attend UC Riverside, changing my major to Ethnic Studies, and helping to start GWIP. All my energy and time goes into being a person who seeks the liberation of all people, which was prompted by those decisions. A friend once told me to keep the good work with GWIP because it was important to love yourself, that she had never thought about loving herself before, because she had always focused so much on her family. That meant a lot to me, still does. What keeps me going through all the struggle, is the possibility of the chance I could be opening a person’s mind to the beauty and plight of the woman, or that I can teach someone about the structures in our society that make it hard for equality flourish, that a woman might not have the feelings that I once had of being confused as to why I should love mysef.

I love women, I love myself as a woman. That is something that I live and take with me, everyday in every way, its who I am, at the very core, at the most important part. The way we dress. Our quiet delicateness and fierce strength. Our bodies and the power we possess in them. Our beautiful faces, all the ways we can dress ourselves up. The French tipped nails, the make up and heels. I love it all. We’re so smart, booksmart, and we always know just what to do in every situation. Mothers. I can’t imagine the strength and patience it takes to give birth and be a mother to a child? Its amazing. We’re survivors. Womyn inspire me.

Interracial Dating: Are We Still Having A Problem With This?: Updated

Today I read this post on YBF on Jill Scott's views on interracial dating. I then, as usual, took to Twitter to have a discussion with my followers on the topic. I thought Jill added a great perspective to why black women might have a problem with black men dating interracially or why women of color have a problem when men of color date white women. She added a perspective I had never thought of before.

Race operates in a black/white binary, with white, along with everything associated with whiteness, being placed in the upper echelons of society and black, along with everything associated with blackness, being placed in the lowest echelon of society. I believe that black self-hate is motivation for the reason that a lot of people get upset when others date outside their race. When society tells you that you're ugly, stupid, and undesirable and that white women are more worthy of protection, more beautiful, more loyal, and smarter, and then you see a black man marry a white woman, its easy to see that as a small confirmation of that skewed self-perception. Also, I think, the real problem arises when both black men and black women designate who they will or won't date based solely on their race. For example, "I don't date black women." or "I don't date outside my race." When a black man completely rules out dating other black people, it obviously reflects on how he feels about his belonging to that race and the race in general.

White is seen as the pinnacle of society. In America, everything that is white is pure, good, and downright better than everything else, especially anything black. White is able to attain everything, black is able to attain nothing. When a black woman sees a black man dating a white woman, its a sense of "them" attaining another thing that should belong to us. It almost as if nothing is untouchable by the white race. Black women generally feel betrayed when a black man dates a white woman. We feel that black men's loyalty should be expressed through the dating of only black women. However, how much does this type of "loyalty" really benefit the black race? Its heteronormative to ask black men to only date within their race so that we can "preserve the black family" and it also reinforces the detrimental concept of race itself. Can someone give me one good reason for why we should only date inside drawn our racial lines? The "black family" has been destroyed since slavery times and I wonder if it ever really existed? Isn't the nuclear family a white ideal? I'm all for building up the black community through economically "buying black, supporting black political leaders, creating black sub-cultures, and the preservation and knowledge of black culture, etc. which are all profitable and beneficial ways to support us, however, I fail to see a real reason how racial dating loyalty benefits the black community in any real ways. I'm sick of hearing black women ask why there aren't black men available, or why black men find other races desirable or why there aren't more black relationships. Its old.

Generally, I think people are way too obsessed with relationships for some reason. Jealousy and unneccessry criticism from intruders always surround relationships for absolutely no reason. That's why its best to keep personal relationship business to yourself if you are in one. I think the ultimate solution is to love yourself and love who you are and where you come from.