Fat Black & Ugly

(I posted this on my tumblr, http://hiphopcheerleader.tumblr.com/)

Let me start this off by saying that I'm not very familiar with Tumblr. I've been active on here for a couple of months but I'm not Tumblr famous or anything. I still can't figure out how to reply to people's replies and I don't really do any serious writing on here. The times that I do write, my posts never get as many notes as I feel they deserve. Lol.

But I'm writing here today to address something that I've noticed. The lack of blackness in the Tumblr fat community.

Now, I should also say. I'm coming from a place of thin privilege over here. Therefore, I use the word fat, not as a reclamation but as the word that is usually meant to mean overweight, obese, and/or overall "thick." Also, I want to make it clear that I am not in the position to speak for anyone, I know the fat, black community is in a perfectly capable position to speak for themselves. I am speaking (in solidarity, I hope) as a black woman who is permanently outside of white standards of beauty. That said, direct me, if you please, to any posts on this subject made by fat black womyn.

First, I want to make this clear for anyone whose forgotten.: White people who are fat, still have white privilege. I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand but intersectionality folks. Intersectionality. Just because you are oppressed in some ways in your life, doesn't erase your position as a privileged white individual. For example, I am able bodied, meaning I have privilege over a black-disabled person. The fact that I'm black doesn't mean I can disregard the fact that I am able bodied.

What I've noticed is that the fat, white community on Tumblr has a problem with this fact. Why am I not surprised? Because its typical white people shit. Mu'fuckas just don't want to acknowledge their privilege. Following a few fat blogs, I see about 20 times the number of posts on the beauty of white fat womyn than I do for fat black womyn. I guess these fat white womyn feel they are rejecting the beauty myth but by leaving out womyn of color they are only reinforcing it. Remember the time a fat white woman compared her being fat to the struggle of a black woman goes through? Only one fail from the white, fat tumblr community. Another fail was when the woman who creates "ugly" graphics used a black woman in one with a banner across it stating "ugly don't care." Or the gif with the white woman from glee singing TLC's Unpretty, she wasn't fat & neither are TLC but still showed that y'all don't get it. Or the picture with all the white womyn with "real" bodies trying to show bodily diversity but didn't think to include any womyn of color. this is all just another reason & facet to why white feminists fail at developing full analyses, they stop at where their privilege meets & leave womyn of color out for the 5011th time. your whiteness doesn't erase shit. you're still white. fat white womyn are concerned by how well they fit into the perfect white beauty myth & black womyn are concerned that we are constantly judged by how well we fit into that myth, no matter how hard we try to fit in, our attempts are futile.

Here's where I get into the difference between being a fat black woman & a fat white woman: a fat black woman could so much more accurately talk about this than I can but here goes: fat tumblr has a white face. why am i not surprised? because its typical white shit. to exclude womyn of color voices & in the case of beauty politics, particularly, black womyn. the rhetoric still exists: black womyn are not really womyn & we're not even really human. our beauty politics don't matter because we're so far gone from ever being beautiful, trying to include us is a worthless, waste of time. white fat womyn on tumblr seem to be reclaiming their fatness in an effort to say "I am still a white woman! i am still apart of the beautiful people club! stop thinking my body is ugly! accept me!" they seem to be trying to (i don't want to assume anyone's motives) reclaim their stake in beautiful white womanhood because its been taken away from them due to their fatness. But black womyn don't have that privilege. Fat is seen as something that can be changed. This is why people tell fat people to lose weight. they just tell black womyn to die. The belief is that if fat white womyn just lose weight, then they can go back to being in the beautiful club. White womyn are still within the realm of attainable beauty. Black womyn are not. Skin color cannot be changed, its permanent. beauty is constructed. & its constructed against black womyn. black fat womyn get treated harsher (a fat black woman would do better in coming up with specific examples) than white fat womyn because of their ugly, permanent, unfortunate blackness. race compounds the fat plight. its seen as a continual, permanent ugliness. white womyn are seen as just being temporary deviants. if you lose weight you can come back to our exclusive white woman pretty club. but you black fat bitches are out forever because then we'd have nothing to measure ourselves up against.

the end.

*drops mic*

Week 4 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

Prompt: Set an intention for your mind, body, and heart, your memory, your thought, and your imagination for the full and magnificent year to come.


Response: Love has been guiding me this entire way. I've been writing and thinking so much about the upcoming changes and journeys in my life that I can't even write or reflect outwardly anymore. I'll just say: Mind elevated. Body healed & elevated. Heart repaired. My memory repaired. Thought elevated. Imagination elevated.

Week 3 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

Prompt & Response: What are your strengths, what are their sources? loving. writing. standing up for people. picking out jewelry. caring & respecting.

What are your weaknesses? Communication.

Where do you find power? I find power in possibility. I find power in the resistance of women of color.
Where do you encounter fear? What holds you powerless or helps you overcome? I encounter fear through healing. Through trying to be myself everyday in country where my being is despised. I feel powerless when I'm experiencing sadness, hurt, confusion, loneliness, etc. What helps me to overcome is practicing self care.

I know... that I can heal.
I think... about this journey everyday.
I am... beautiful.
I don’t know... when this process will end.
I  can’t explain... so many things about my experiences and my life.
I believe... in myself.

Week 2 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

For some reason I'm just now seeing the week 2 prompt. So my entry is as follows:


Prompt: What do you do in your life just for yourself, to heal, to grow, to learn? What do you do for your family and community? What do you create, manifest, or imagine? What recipes do you use in all aspects of your life? What mixtures of friends, brews of ideas, and practices combine to create your life?


Response: I am just starting the process of learning and practicing self care. As a black woman, from a young age I've been taught that other people's wants and needs have priority over mine. I've been taught that the one possession that I was born with is not my own, my body; that it belongs to my parents, my boyfriend, my uncles, the men who I pass on the street, the women who seek to tear me down, the corporations, and capitalism. It was until just a few weeks ago that I realized self-care wasn't indulgent, that it didn't make me a selfish failure. That it is ok to put yourself first and even necessary. 


Also, self-care is incredibly difficult when you live with your parents. Its also difficult for me because for the last four-ish years, social activism has been my life, its been my passion and one of the mechanism that I used to reduce stress. However, now I realize that this work can be very triggering and that I was using it partially to ignore my own issues. I've since been taking a break from social activism, focusing on myself with regard to self-love and trusting myself. Some things that I do use for self-care are drinking hot tea, treating myself to some sweets, reading while lying by the heater, spending time with friends, drinking wine, going to the movies, exercising, meditating, taking a hot shower, napping, writing, watering the grass, [practicing tantric] masturbation, breathing deeply, and thinking positive thoughts. 

Week 1 Writing: WCC Writer's Workshop

Prompts for Week One

"Until I am free to write bilingually and to switch codes without having always to translate, while I still have to speak English or Spanish when I would rather speak Spanglish, and as long as I have to accommodate the English speakers rather than having them accommodate me, my tongue will be illegitimate. I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing. I will have my voice: Indian, Spanish, white. I will have my serpent’s tongue – my woman’s voice, my sexual voice, my poet’s voice. I will overcome the tradition of silence.”
― Gloria E. Anzaldúa

What is your voice? What are your voices? Where do you hear your voice? When do you raise your voice? What are its frequencies, its resonance? How do you find your voice?

What narratives do you draw on from your history, your culture, your life, to tell your stories? What codes do you speak in and around?
What silences do you observe, which do you break? How do you overcome silence?


Response


My voice is one of a woman of color who has experienced multiple forms of sexual violence and oppression and colonialism. I speak mostly about the injustices that we face. How sex and our bodies are used against us when we are the creators of this world. How hate is used against when the source of love can be found in our vaginas and in our wombs. I write because its one of the fundamental ways that I relate to people and the world around me. I write to make this world more tolerable. Its an art to me, but I rarely write poems. I hear my voice and my inspiration in my people and the people who've experienced the same shit as I have.


I observe silence surrounding sexual violence. The only thing that gives me solace is to talk to the people I know. To end the silence and isolation. To mend relationships.

February Writing

This month I will be participating in Women's Creative Collective for Change's February Writer's Workshop. I'll be posting based on weekly prompts.


Their description:  The February Writers’ Workshop is meant to create space for us to write everyday for a month. What we do with that space is up to each writer. Starting Feb. 1, post weekly, post daily, or post somewhere in between. You could write as little or as much as you want in any format – poetry, journal entry, short story, article. We also have weekly prompts available to get you started, but responding to them is not required. Writing in this workshop is an act of community- we encourage you to join us in visiting your fellow writers’ blogs, commenting, supporting, and nurturing our collective creativity. So if you want to get back into your writing groove and join up with a community of bad ass writers from across the globe, it’s simple!


And you can find more about WCC and the workshop here.

I Never Title My Poems

I'm tired of the silence.
Silence is a privilege.
It allows me to keep it hidden.
It allows me to keep it contained.
It allows me to control it.
It allows me to shirk responsibility.
Im afraid of what I might be forced to do once I come out.
Im afraid of all the tests I might fail.
Im afraid to deal with it.
Silence is a death.
And I've gotten so used to living in silence I don't know how to speak.
I've gotten so used to living in isolation, I don't know how to connect.
I've gotten so used to keeping it all together, I don't know how to let it out.
I've been forced to keep a secret, I never knew how to tell.
Now I'll have to explain something, when I don't even know how to speak.
But I can only think of the possibilities.

Youth Institute for Anti-Sexual Violence Activism

Hey y'all,

I am in the process of starting a community organization. I decided to name it Youth Institute for Anti-Sexual Violence Activism. The mission of Youth Institute of Anti-Sexual Violence Activism is to organize from a non-violent, feminist perspective to empower youth of all genders with the tools, resources, and training needed to aid in the fight to end sexual violence and to become anti-sexual violence activists, particularly focusing on violence against women and trans folks of color. Here's our Idealist page, if you're interested, please check it out to see if there's anyway you can offer your support. Right now, I really need help in moving this organization past the 'idea' stage. If you have a background in working with youth, trans folks, women, or on the issue of sexual violence in inner city communities your advice and support are welcome. Also, we need a logo, so if you know anyone who does graphics, let me know! I don't have the resources to work on this project full time right now and I also want to get more experience working in non-profits and with youth before I go full fledged but I am applying for some fellowships and grants right now for the org so send me your good vibes!

Thanks!

On Heteropatriarchy, Presidents and Families

I've been reading a lot more these days about polyamory. The theory itself is pretty convincing and so are the arguments against the heteopatriarchal myth of marriage: "For instance, we may be in a relationship we are super into, but then want to have an experience outside that relationship with someone who shares a characteristic with us that our partner doesn't, whether that be race, language, age, class background, ability, trans identity, or something else. Our radical politics tell us we don't have to pretend that those things don't matter, and that we can honor the different connections we get to have we get to have with people based on shared or different identities. If we love our partners and friends, it makes sense that we would want them to have experiences that are affirming or important for them in those ways, and not let rules of sexual exclusivity make us into barriers for each other's personal development (For Lovers and Fighters, Dean Spade)." I think in our minds, polyamory makes more sense to us. However, we've been socialized from the likes of parents, Disney movies, church, television shows, and of course, our Presidents. 


What does it mean that only one of our U.S. Presidents have been unmarried (James Buchanan was engaged to be married before his fiancé died)? And that none of them have been married to someone outside of their race? Or that all of them have been Christian and heterosexual? What message does being married send to the American public? A recent article in the L.A. Times about Mitt Romney focusing on his marriage to Ann Romney throughout his campaign and increasingly so, now that its almost time for the primaries, outlines the fact that Romney's marriage is evidence that he is a man of "steadiness and constancy." It has been said that Romney is using this focus on marriage, in direct opposition to another candidate, Newt Gingrich, who has had three failed marriages; Republican voters cite it as the main reason why they might not vote for him. One woman interviewed said, in reference to Gingrich, "if you can't work at a marriage and make that work, how can you make the government work?" What does it mean that President Bill Clinton was impeached when it was found out that he had an extramarital affair?


Our society is rooted in capitalism. It is the fundamental building block of America and it is present in every corner of our lives. Therefore, it is no wonder then, that the wives of American presidents, particularly in this example of Mitt Romney are treated as the property of the President and by extension, the American public. "The President is a product" and marriage is a huge part of the campaign for the Presidency. The American public must also fall in love with the wife. She is touted to events and speaks often during the campaign on behalf of her husband. Marriage, particularly in the case of the American presidency is a property arrangement, where the wife is sold to the American public as the perfect wife. The marriage of the President to someone of his same race; one man, one woman, white picket fence as the traditional love story is essentially a myth, a message sent to the people of the world that this is success, this is what you should attain to. I'm not married, but in my experience, marriage doesn't last, monogamous relationships that follow this framework don't last, at least most times, statistics show and if they do, its probably not because both parties followed this stoic framework.


Andrea Smith, in her article, "Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy" quotes Christian Right activist and founder, Charles Colson, "Marriage is the traditional building block of human society, intended both to unite couples and bring children into the world... the family, led by a married mother and father, is the best available structure for both childrearing and cultural health." I've heard comments from black men, that a real woman is a woman like Michelle Obama, a woman who they've never met, that this is they way it should be done, referring to a familial structure. Their marriage normalizes black heteropatriarchy. As I discussed here, black womyn are particularly oppressed under this institution of patriarchy. Black womyn's worth is based "solely in terms of success at finding and keeping a romance, to brainwash women into spending all their time measuring themselves against this norm and working to change their bodies, behaviors, and activities to meet the requirements of being attractive to men and suitable for romance. I see this myth as both personally damaging to people-in how it creates unrealistic expectations about ourselves and each other and causes us to constantly experience insecurity-and also politically damaging because its a giant distraction from our resistance and it divides us (especially based on the fucked up self-fulfilling stereotypes about how woman compete with each other.)...It's important to have a critique of the myth of romance that looks at how damaging it is to us in our personal lives, and how it is designed to fuel social arrangements, codified in law, that we invented to subordinate woman and make them into the property of men.(Dean Spade)." Womyn are socialized to do everything to fulfill the "perfect woman" myth to enter into the capitalist structure of a relationship, which is marriage, even diss other women, in order to help perpetuate categories of women that are acceptable and unacceptable for marriage. 


The marriage of Barack and Michelle Obama is drooled over by the American public as well, particularly the Black American public. That's not particularly a bad thing either. Media, even black media, depicts black relationships as tainted and violent; Baby Boy is one example, not to mention that Chris Brown's violence against Rihanna received more media attention that any white man beating up his white wife. However, I believe that the near worship of Potus and Flotus' relationship is unhealthy, because its almost never accompanied by a real interrogation of the President's politics. Its always "I love my President!", "I love them!", "They are so cute!" when we see a picture of them together or Barack talking about Michelle. This myth, adopted to a predominant black family, makes it easier for black people to adapt to it. Andrea Smith continues "heteropartiarchy is the building block of US empire. In fact, it is the building block of the nation-state form of governance." Maybe its because a lot of us have grown up in communities "listening to their choice of baby mama anthems while using “baby daddy” as a term of endearment" like Janelle Harris, in this article describes. Perhaps we've grown tired of seeing poor, single mothers. But is marriage really the solution? Of course, we wish that more dads would stick around after they've had a child with a woman. But as Smith says "Christian Right politics work through the private family (which is coded as white, patriarchal, and middle class) to create a 'Christian America.' She notes that the investment in the private family makes it difficult for people to invest in more public forms of social connection. In addition, investment in the suburban private family serves to mask the public disinvestment in urban areas that makes the suburban lifestyles possible. " Therefore, marriage is seen as the solution to the struggling single mother, with no real movement for the social services necessary to make caring for a child as a single mother or even as a family possible.


In conclusion, whether choosing polyamory, monogamy, single hood or marriage, we must create our own ideals of family that include consciousness about our relationships with the community around us. 

Rape culture is...

Rape culture is telling fat womyn that they should be happy someone wants to fuck them.
Rape culture is telling black girls that they are fast.
Rape culture is telling Native womyn that its tradition.
Rape culture is telling Latina womyn to stay pure until marriage.
Rape culture is telling trans folks that they deserve it.
Rape culture is telling immigrant womyn that its the price you pay.
Rape culture is telling disabled womyn that they can't have sex.
Rape culture is ignoring people who experience sexual violence in prisons.
Rape culture is telling trans womyn, that they aren't really womyn.

Black Womyn Hate as Manifestations of Heteropatriarchy

This hate of black women is not new, but it still fucking burns. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of black men who act like their dick is the second coming of Jesus Christ telling black women that we are not good enough to be with them. Rhetoric like this, based on what is wrong with black womyn, why we are not desirable, what we need to do to get a man, is rooted in heteropatriarchy and by extension, capitalism and homophobia. In "Heteropatriarchy and The Three Pillars of White Supremacy", Andrea Smith draws out the link between heteropatriachy and this type of conversation around relationships.

Andrea Smith quotes Charles Colson, founder of Prison Fellowship, "If we fail to enact a Federal Marriage Amendment, we can expect not just more family breakdown, but also more criminals behind bars and more chaos in our streets." We can see from this quote that in the eyes of right-wing, Christian, mainstream society, marriage between two heterosexual adults of extreme genders is a process of crime prevention. The assumption is, which is an assumption held by black men also, that when you invest in this traditional familial dynamic the you prevent delinquent little boys and sexually promiscuous girls, with no critical analysis to the criminalization of black youth and the high rate of black womyn experiencing sexual victimization. Smith then goes on to quote Lift High the Cross author Ann Burlien, "the investment in the private family makes it difficult for people to invest in more public forms of social connection. In addition, the investment in the suburban private family serves to mask the public disinvestment in the urban areas that makes the suburban life possible." Subscribing to the belief that one man should be with one woman and that men should be the ones we aspire to be with promotes patriarchal domination and homophobia. It promotes the myth of the American dream, which ultimately benefits a small sector of society.

USA as a Battleground: No Surprise

"In fact the U.S. Constitution confers the right of the state to maintain itself over and above the rights of its citizenry." -Andrea Smith

In light of the recent news that the U.S. could soon be declared an effective battleground, I want to shed light on why this is happening and what this might for people of color. Andrea Smith, in her essay "Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy", which I have quoted here and here outline why this might all make sense in the eyes of the U.S. as a imperialist society. She says, "the logic of Orientalism marks certain peoples or nations as inferior and as posing a constant threat to the well-being of empire. These people are still seen as 'civilizations'-they are not property or 'disappeared'-however, they will always be imaged as permanent foreign threats to empire. This logic is evident in the anti-immigration movements within the United States that target immigrants of color. It does not matter how long immigrants of color reside in the United States, they generally become targeted as foreign threats, particularly during war time. Consequently, orientalism serves as the anchor for war, because it allows the United States to justify being in a constant state of way to protect itself from its enemies." Therefore, we can draw comparisons to the way the state institutions currently treat marginalized groups to what society would be like if this bill passed.

People of color, women, gays and lesbians are unfairly targeted by the police and are the fastest growing segments of the military where they face discrimination and violence at higher rates than other populations. Not only are people of color marginalized here the in the States, but colonial missions are launched almost exclusively against people of color abroad. So if we draw these connections, we can see that this bill will mean that a permanent war is waged against people of color, women, LGBT person, low income individuals, etc. here in the U.S. to keep oppressions, privilege and white supremacy in place. "What becomes clear is then is what Sora Han states-the United States is not at war; the United States is war." It is because we have the belief that the U.S. is basically a good society, with a basically good framework for our liberation, that oppression is just happenstance and is not deliberate, we continue to ignore that war and genocide is at the very core of this country. The U.S. continues to facilitate colonial missions such as these to keep black people imprisoned and Native lands occupied, both of which serve to keep capitalism in place and keep the U.S. a successful imperial entity.

Click the title of this post for a pdf of the proposed bill.

My Story of Not Rape: Updated

When I first read this essay, my life was changed. Someone had classified what happened to me, not just once, but several times in my childhood, throughout it in fact. Someone had experienced it too. Someone had given it a name, said it was wrong. I felt empowered.

In mainstream society and even in some liberation movements, we have a hierarchal relationship to sexual violence. Rape is classified as the most brutal form of sexual violence, and maybe it is. However, its often personified as a stranger jumping out on a wildly attractive, ulta-feminine white woman because he just can't contain his sexual desires. She screams no loudly but her attempts are futile. Womyn of color are often reluctant to speak out about the sexual violence we've experienced, partly because mainstream society tells us we're not as worthy of protection as white women. This archaic, stereotype of how rape happens is a white ideal that serves to protect the notion of white womanhood and persecute men of color. However, most rapes don't play like out that and all sexual violence is not rape.

Not rape. The not rape epidemic. Its not rape, or its not that archaic stereotype of rape, but it is the trespassing of bodies. Its the stealing of something, the betrayal of your safety. Its the sending of a message, that you're not worthy of that safety and that your power is only in the physicality of your body.

Here is one of my stories of not rape:

Antoine was a boy in my elementary school class. He was tall and light skinned and had a bumpy face, complete with beady eyes. He was a menace to my class, the class clown, constantly in trouble. He touched my butt. I couldn't even tell my mom face to face, I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I had talk about my body, something so intimate, to my mother. I wrote a note and hid it in her car, hoping she would find it but not talk to me directly about it. She didn't, instead the next thing I heard about the situation was when I was called to the school office. She came with my now step dad to talk with some officials (I think the principal and the vice-principal) at my school.  I think Antoine was suspended. I wasn't the only girl he had been touching like that and it wasn't the only time he had bothered us. All of the times he bothered us, we asked him to stop, to leave us alone. He never did. Our white, female teacher never did anything to stop us. None of the other boys in the class did anything. We were young black girls, it didn't matter, we were already disposable, hypersexual, worthless.

The important point here, is that he knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew that we didn't like it. He knew that I wanted it to stop. He showed me that I didn't have any power in the situation to make someone stop touching my body, a body he felt he had full access to. It was my elementary school body and he had more rights to it than I did. Maybe what's just as crucial in this situation, was the fact that this elementary school boy's power dynamics were already shaped in his own mind and in his own life; to believe that he had the right and the ability to touch me, to touch a part of me that was deemed intimate by society and by himself, and in turn, by me. I realized after that moment that my butt was something that was sexual, before that I thought the reason boys liked me was because I had a pretty face and my hair was long, which is arguably just as bad. Now I knew that boys liked me because I had body parts that they didn't, not necessarily because they liked those body parts, but because they were socialized to deem those body parts sexual and desirable. I wonder now about the messages he was sent, about how his body may have been violated, what was it exactly that made him see us as objects to be touched and not heard. He wasn't a man yet, at least not age wise, but he definitely had male privilege or the beginnings of it. We were girls of color, being violated by a boy of color, showing us what the hundreds maybe thousands of interactions we would have with men of color from here on out would be like, showing us the oppression that we would endure from our counterparts for maybe the rest of our lives, showing me what my body meant to the world around me was more important than what it meant to me. The more our butts grew, the more our breasts grew, they grew not with self-discovery, pride, love or excitement but with embarrassment at what also growing guys would say about our bodies, how they would touch us, what names they would call us, and what ways we could stop their vulgar comments. We could never match their dangerous wit, we weren't trained in how to objectify anyone, we were trained to be the opposite: quiet, accepting. No matter what we said, we couldn't make these young boys understand what their words were doing to us, how they were shaping our self-esteem with their comments.

In this interaction was also about consent and self-esteem. My power to consent to anything was taken away from me because my power to have my "no" heard and heeded was denied. I was victimized. This story/interaction is classified as "not rape" because it wasn't rape but it did set me up on a path for continued victimization, which rape is a manifestation of. If women can't have the power to say yes, they won't have the power to say no and have it listened to and heeded either.  The body is integrally related to self-esteem. Two things can break a person's self esteem: sexual violence and being subjected to the the male gaze. Two things that womyn are victimized into. Two things that I have been pushed into.

Messages like these from the boys/men around me, the media, and my family all culminated to show me that my power was in being more attractive than other girls. If I wanted attention from boys/men, I needed to dress scantily, I needed to keep my hair done, I needed to be dainty, ditzy, and cute, because that was what boys liked. I was trained to make pleasing the opposite sex one of my goals, my aspirations and if I could get boys to like me more than they liked other girls, that I won at something, I succeeded, I had power. This is the way that power dynamics get fucked up by patriarchy, it makes those without power feel like they need to do stupid shit to get it and it makes those with power fight to maintain it by abusing it and violating others. This "compete with other girls for guys" mentality stayed with me for many years and is still something I struggle with. Before these messages, I didn't compare myself to other girls to see why boys liked them more or less than they liked me. I thought guys liked me because I was just as beautiful but just in other ways. But that's not the way it was at all. Guys liked me or didn't like me based on how much I fit into society's constructed desire for those men. Desire is constructed for men. Womyn are the subjects of the male gaze and therefore try to manipulate their looks and behavior to fit into what men have been socialized to see as desirable. Its an oppressive, sexist, and queerphobic approach for both. To allow no room for diversity. Its taken me a long time to get that feeling of desirability and self-love back and I'm still working at it.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS:
What is your not-rape story? Please share. Tell me, in the form of essay, song, poem, journal entry, experiment, photograph, anything you want, your story of bodily trespassing, and I'll post it here. If you are thinking of submitting, please be sure to read the original Not Rape essay from Latoya Peterson of Racialicious. You can also read the comments there to get more people's stories of Not Rape. You can remain anonymous. All submission or questions here. Please help spread the word.

Iggy Azalea: Updated

About to listen to Iggy Azalea "Ignorant Art" mixtape for the first time which is apparently an ode to basquiat. I was reading an interview from her in the newest issue L.A. Record which I just picked up from Amoeba, it made me immediately run to her site. She seems hella cool, hope it doesn't disappoint.

[Excerpt from the interview]
You have more in common with older female rapper-or maybe Nicki Minaj at the beginning of her career.

"Yeah, now she wants to be Harajuku Barbie. My videos weren't always sexual, and people would say it was going to take me, like six years longer because of that. Fuck off, if I'm going to do it, I'll do it how I want to do it....I'm not doing it in a man's version of what women's sexuality is allowed to be, which I personally think is bullshit and most of the time demeaning."

Plus she's cute.

[Quickie Review]
Ignorant Art is definitely ignorant music. There's no lyricism of real substance. I do like the fun vibe of it though, kind of reminiscent of Kid Sister. It is different than other music out there, especially coming from a female rapper and its definitely not something that can easily fit into radio, so she gets points on that. Iggy has a nice flow and the potential to make better music than this. Halfway through listening, I saw that YG was on one of the tracks. Usually this would be grounds for automatic dismissal, but I continue to listen. I do like Treasure Island. And to stop comparisons to Kreayshawn, she should never make another song like Drop That. [Verdict]: I'll let her stay on my ITunes, she might grow on me.

You can download Iggy's mix tape here.

I Still Love You

"See if you believe that you & me, can change the world someday, then believe when I say, I Still Love You."

I totally forgot how much I used to love this song!

Anti-Violence Workshops (Updated, Again)

Heyy everyone,

This fall I am interning at the Downtown Women's Center in the Los Angeles skid row area. Primarily, my responsibilities will be to educate the community there on issues of violence. I have a series of upcoming workshops that will focus on sexual violence and state violence, that I would love for you all to attend.

Workshop 1 will be held on November 3rd, 1-2:30pm and November 5th, 1:15-2:45pm. This workshop will cover sexual violence, how this type of violence affects homeless women, how this community, including organizations and activists, responds to it, as well as ways to end violence against this community.

Workshop 2 will be held on November 17th. 1-2:30pm and December 3rd from 1:15-2:45pm. This workshop will cover state violence, its relation to sexual violence, how this type of violence affects homeless women, what this community, including activists and organizations, can do to defend itself from state violence, the root causes of state violence, and why some communities are targeted more than others.

All workshops will be held at the Downtown Women's Center, 442 S. San Predro Ave. LA, CA 90013 on the 2nd floor patio. Hope to see you there!

West Coast Hip Hop: Part 6: Dregs One

Dregs One is an emcee and producer from Northern California, San Francisco to be exact. One of the aspects I appreciate most about Dregs's music, besides good beats, is that he actually has something to say and can actually be called a progressive or conscious rapper and he gets considerably better with every project. Check out some videos from Dregs off his newest mixtape "The Wake Up Call" below:







Also, check out Dregs' Wake Up Reports where he talks about community issues below:







Stay up to date on Dregs One's projects here.

I Love LA: Part 5: Downtown LA Artwalk

I went to the Dowtown Art Walk for the first time this past Thursday. It was pretty fun. There was some good art and cool vendors and it was hella crowded. I just wish the streets were better lit and that the galleries were all next door from each, they're too spread out. I'm proud of myself because all I bought was a $10 mojito. Why are drinks so expensive?! ugh. Well it will be my last time having a mojito, I don't like the taste. Check out the pics of me and some friends and some of the artwork below:

I Love LA: Part 4: Things To Do in LA This Week

Things to Do in LA:

• Downtown Art Walk
• second Thursday of every months starting on Main street, generally lasts from 12-9pm
• Free
• Self-guided tour of art galleries in the Downtown Los Angeles area
• Third Wednesday/Downtown Culver City
• live entertainment
• art galleries
• food & drink specials
• giveaways
• free samples
• between Culver Blvd & Washington blvd.
• 5-9pm
• 3102026060
• Activist Public Picnic
• Vegan Potluck
• Clover Park, 2600 Ocean Blvd. Santa Monica
• 12-3pm
• 3103991000

Hippie Shit

I don't like when people call me a hippie. Its not that I get offended, I just think its inaccurate. First off, unless you were a teenager or a young adult in the 60s that practically lived on Haight & Ashbury, then you my friend are not a hippie. Maybe you bear similarities to hippies, but hippies are not born/made everyday. They were a people/movement that has since died out.

I would guess that people call me a hippie because I always talk about love, peace, and equality, which was a lot of the stuff that hippies fought for. My problem with people that call themselves hippies are that they shout "love!" with no real analysis on why hate exists. They just say these things because its are trendy and call themselves hippies because that's the trendy thing to do but know nothing of concepts like appropriation, or colonization, or white privilege.

The clothes: which is another reason people probably call me a hippie. I don't dress like no damn hippie. Most people who try to emulate hippie culture are just doing it to be trendy. Native people all over the world dressed in bright, ornate ways way before hippies came on the map. Say I dress like the Native people of the world, not no damn hippie. More than anything, I try to represent myself in the way that I dress. & I am not a hippie.